November 29th, 2010

Interview with Art and Soul

Art and Soul magazine asked us what we thought about lots of things from the impact of the internet on music to something we'd never fessed upto!  Read all the juicy gossip here

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After reading your enirte essay and most of the comments it is clear that your issues lie with your own perspective on the world. I know many woman like yourself who have been raised with a fairy tale notion of what they would find in the perfect man when they got older. Likely watching one too many Disney movies about princesses and a barrage romantic comedies has given your unrealistic expectations out of what you are going to find out there in the dating world. There are very many men that fit your narrow description of a being highly successful in the San Francisco Bay Area: went to good schools, worked at big brand name companies, left to work at or start their own start-ups. Yes, many of those men are going to be hardworking engineer types and many of those engineers are going to be socially awkward. (As a gay man I have dated some software engineers and a good lot of them are painfully awkward social introverts. But let's not paint broad strokes here, there are plenty of well-adjusted and gregarious engineers out there as well.) I would think that you would have met these men via one of the many ivy networking events that take place throughout San Francisco and in Palo Alto. I've been to several of these events (despite the fact that I did not go to an Ivy League school) and let me tell you there is a constantly replenishing supply of young educated men. Also, you want a guy who's a hard working overachiever, but isn't married to his job. Doesn't that seem at odds. Those type A guys who do start-ups are the same type of guys in finance in New York. They work a ton to have that success, and that is the tradeoff. It might be wise to reconsider your values around success and work-life balance. Have you considered that elite schools and social skills aren't directly correlated? You many have better success with people who went to, ahem, top-tier schools. Perhaps you should seek out connection first, and pedigree second. There are smart, insightful, caring people who went to schools outside the Ivy League. Have you considered academics, artists, journalists, or those working in medicine, law or philanthropy? You seem to want a mirrored reflection of yourself. Have you asked yourself if is not San Francisco that needs to adjust, but maybe you who needs to explore the different vibe that can be found here? The typical east coast transplant takes a couple of years to adjust to the pace of life on the west coast. You must realize that no matter where you live there are tradeoffs. SF offers unparallelled beauty, mild weather, interesting job opportunities, and yes lots of engineers and academic folks. Perhaps you could try out meditation (a very San Francisco thing to do) and see if you can find a little more balance and perspective in your life).Would you be happy just dating? When one in two marriages ends in divorce I think you should question whether a long term monogamous relationship is realistic or even natural. Your notion of finding the man who will sweep you off your feet and complete you may just be a pipe dream. If you really want to believe in your dream of the perfect man than go for it, but remember that perfect is the enemy of good.
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I don't have kids yet, but with the way prices are, I feel like I prolabby better start saving now. My parents couldn't afford to help us with college so it's something I'd like to do for my kids.
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